The mental aspect of Ultra Running is interesting. Big things don't bother you, small things end up giving you the shits.
You can never look back and say there is nothing I could not improve.

Weak areas are exposed.
Strengths save you.

The trail is shared.
Like it or not.

Your mind goes down an internal rabbit hole.
A relentless soul behind your heart turns up and talks to you.
At the end you are left with a sort of time elapsed image reel of things your really remember, hours of space that you don't. You were in that 'OTHER" place of present tense, past tense, completely focused on one next step after the last step.

That is the strange attraction of it.

It demands all of you, there is no space left.

Then this space becomes incredibly strangely relaxing.

Time 10.02.37  Place. 1st 50-54

Hindsight 20/20

Had none as had never done this race yet..

Have some now.
Having completed it.

What would I do differently?

Not wear a hydration pack.
Drove me insane, ripped it off at Stinson.
Coming from road background 
Not wear sunglasses.
Hardly used them.  Too much dappled light.
Parts are gnarly.
You really need to see with direct vision.
Dappled light can be a foot trap.
A responsive shoe again but with a tad more heel and a tad more cushion.
Train more extensively on steady state uphill running now that I have a better idea of the vert.

Would I do this race again?
Absolutely.
It's rare a race captures you like this one did.
There are a few races in the last 29 years that have stolen a spot in my heart.
No words can describe exactly why.
It's just a feeling.
Certain races present a mystical aura.
A sense of total loss of time.
In the midst of the event one becomes enveloped in total.
All thoughts of outside life diminish and fade.
You are on point.
On task.
Completely focused yet totally drifting.

At the crest before the rabbit hole descent to Stinson I went eyeball to eyeball with Alex Varner.

It was fascinating to look at his eyes.
They were looking at me but past me.
In the present but in the future.
Most of all in the moment.
As Zac put it when I called into SFRC days after the race.

"Alex is very good at SUFFERING."  Indeed.
As is Chikara too.  The make suffering look good.

To be honest.
It blew my mind he was already down and up and on his way to Heather Cutoff?  Sensational.
The ZEN STATE.

These are moments that stand out in my mind, that I can see exactly right now as I type.

The bottle neck start.  Did not see that coming.
Running above the clouds at the top of Wolf Grade.
Getting hit in the guts by long grass. Nettle.
The pure OASIS joy of the Stinson Aid Station and the cold iced coke.
The guy sitting in the dark glorious deep chest of Steep Raving ready to give up.
Putting hand over hand on the ladder feeling ten and then five and then 50 again.
Sharp, crisp, stupendously refreshing surge of marine layer after exiting 90 + heat to start the last descent.
The faces of every extraordinary volunteer.

Finally the S bends leading to the finish that have one feeling a renewed sense of adrenaline as you charged each turn feeling like some sort of human hurricane looking for that finish line. Bring it to me.

The finish.
Warm.
Social.
Real.
Full of food and drink.
Welcoming.
Race Directors that understand the old school ways of care for each and every participant and who are in my mind running royalty of a rare kind.

Till we meet again H50.

AIMING FOR A SHORT REPORT ON A LONGER RACE.

Saturday during park run my phone kept ringing.
The christening I thought was Sunday was Saturday?
OMG?

So Sunday I had not entered Skyline, so then I did.  Far better than hauling the 50k workout alone.

In this race last year I placed third after an almighty fall. 0.0

This year it would be the final acid acid test on left ankle after putting it through a road marathon first, and bump up the endurance fitness for looming races ahead.

Race Game Plan?

Run Game Plan really.

Keep HR no higher than about 130.
Run entire course, no walking apart from standing for shortest time possible at every aid station.
See how pre race load was calculated?  Hungry? Not hungry? Head clarity good?
Stay on time with nutrition/ gels and don't squash the banana in my hand until I eat it at mile 16.
Neg split even if running relaxed.
Get her done!

Everything on point. Ankle did not like the hard clay surfaces much that were loaded with dents from past rains. But ok.

Head game clear.  Body backed up very well from solid week of normal work.  Good job body.

It's very liberating to get to the point of zero f's when you are using all the awesome benefits and structure of an organized race to get long work done safely. Zero f's when you are passed but simply waving them on as you drift along in the private Idaho head space that seems to magically appear when running for hours.  It's kinda like being in the Land Of Narnia in your mind. 0.0

A couple of times during the race as I chatted away in my head I saw myself when I was a kid.

Intentionally missing the school bus home and deciding to walk the four miles and meander about looking at stuff. Etc

Taking off through the bush across the road, down past the clay pits to get to my tennis lesson Sunday where all the other parents dropped their kids off but not mine, mine said "get yourself there and get yourself home"

And so.. Sunday I got myself home. Back to that finish line again.

Home is where the heart is.  With my man and on the run.

Scena Performance always puts on a tidy race.

One more thing!

The one dog out of ALL dogs out hiking that came right up to me for a good sniff was called DINGO.  HAHAHHAHA

He must have smelled Australian on me.

RUNNING FREE

A week before this race I decided with the added time on my hands with a micro taper I would go through some files, do some filing and look at some old papers.

Found a browned, water marked piece of writing I have kept with me for many years.  It's a trip, like running.. enjoy.

San Francisco marathon would be the acid test on double ankle sprain recovery management from two twists in early May. Check out what the Adidas Takumi felt like over 26.2? Lastly get a good baseline on general enduro fitness moving forward.  A marathon will tell you.  

Of course I often wonder about the compulsion to run? But the last sentence rings true.  For me, it brings great clarity.


The Writing 

You think of life as nothing.
Just a catacomb in time.
And time will not stop until,
the sun no longer shines.

The universe is empty.
It's boundaries are unclear.
But the difference between time and space,
cannot be solved with fear.

Blown away across the sky.
Beyond the endless sea.
Infinity.
Looking for the door of time.
For the key.

Blown away across the sky.
Through the galaxy.
Blown away.
Lost in space.
Longing to be free.

Your dreams run rampant.
Through your mind.
Suddenly lost to time.

Yet now! You are no longer blind.

Creativity And Ego Cannot Go Together! J Kwan

If You Free Yourself From The Comparing & Jealous Mind,
​J Kwan

Your Creativity Opens Up Endlessly. J Kwan

Just As Water Springs From A Fountain, Creativity Springs From Every Moment. J Kwan

You Must Not Be Your Own Obstacle. J Kwan

You Must Not Be Owned By The Environment You Are In.
​J Kwan.

You Must Own The Environment, The Phenomenal World Around You. J Kwan

You Must Be Able To Freely Move In And Out Of Your Mind.   J Kwan

THIS IS BEING FREE !@free. J Kwan